In My Place
by Shadowz
Summary: Songfic to Coldplay. Jez reflects on everything as she tries to raise enough courage to approach the Goddard home for the first time...


A/N: OK, this is my first Nightworld fic, so please supply me with lots of lovely feedback! This idea has been brewing for ages (i.e. since about the third time I heard this song), and now I finally have a spare moment, here it is. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Nightworld belongs to the almighty L.J.Smith, and the song 'In My Place' to the awesome Coldplay. Can you guess that I'm just a poor lil' writer who doesn't own anything worth suing for?  
  
Dedication: All my friends. Thanks for being there for me.  
  
In My Place.  
  
Sixteen-year-old Jezebel Redfern stood completely still.  
  
Waiting.  
  
Watching.  
  
Watching the small house across the road with the neat front garden and welcoming looks. Waiting for her courage to rise enough that she could approach it.  
  
Why did she need that courage?  
  
Because this was the house that was the home of her mother's family.   
  
Her family.  
  
In my place, in my place,  
Were lines that   
I couldn't change  
I was lost, oh yeah.  
  
It was ironic, really. She was Jez, a huntress, a Redfern! She'd never been sacred of a human in her life! She'd hunted and killed, even for fun, and never had she feared any vermin before. She was a vampire, a natural predator. It was her right to do so...  
  
No.  
  
She was a human, one of those 'vermin' that she had murdered for kicks. She was one of those humans that was simply there to get passed on on the food chain. She wasn't a predator: she was prey. She had no right...  
  
No.  
  
She was neither. Not quite human. Not quite vampire. Not of one world or the other.  
  
She was lost.  
  
I was lost, I was lost,  
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed.  
I was lost, oh yeah.  
  
No matter what, Jez knew that she had to pay for everything she had done. Now that she knew of her true heritage, everything she'd ever done to a human had replayed in her mind, from mere verbal taunts to horrific murder, right along the scale. Thinking of it, Jez closed her eyes and bit into her lower lip.  
  
It had taken her a while to locate Circle Daybreak, but she had managed it. Even if they were wary- to say the least- of her, they had been the launchpad of the search for her mother's family.  
  
Her human half.  
  
And yeah  
How long must you wait for it?  
Yeah.  
How long must you pay for it?  
Yeah.  
How long must you wait for...  
For it?  
  
Jez felt that familiar hollow ache in her chest when she thought of all that she'd left behind in San Francisco. All the people she loved and missed...  
  
Her Uncle Bracken. Everyone in her gang...hell, even Morgead. Even the ver...humans.  
  
There, she had a place. Here...she was just another face in the crowd.   
  
And she hated it.  
  
I was scared, I was scared,  
Tired and underprepared.  
But I'll wait for it.  
  
"You must know where she is."  
  
Morgead Blackthorn spoke every word slowly, voice cold and precise. He met every look from the older vampire evenly, stare for stare. The man had let nothing out mentally.  
  
Bracken Redfern sighed heavily. "I don't. I can't tell you, because I don't know."  
  
Morgead's brittle patience snapped. "You're her uncle! You must know!"   
  
"Well, I don't." Bracken's eyes blazed silvery. "I think you'd better leave."  
  
Then he shut the door, and Morgead lost all hope.  
  
And if you go, if you go,  
And leave me down here on my own,  
Then I'll wait for you (yeah).  
  
How long was she going to last like this? As a human? Every day was a struggle, a fight against her vampiric wills and instincts. Every day, she had to concentrate all of her mind on preventing a relapse back to how, and what, she'd been.  
  
How did I do this before? Jez wondered mentally. How did I manage when I was little?  
  
I guess I knew no different...  
  
That brought her back to her parents. Those strangers, faces blurred by time, that she hadn't thought of in a good twelve years, but now occupied her mind as much as fighting herself did. What would they think of her now? What might she have been like if they hadn't died?  
  
All Jez felt was shame and a distant sorrow.  
  
And then there were those humans in the house across the road. Jim and Nanami Goddard and their two children, Claire and Ricky.  
  
Her uncle, her aunt, and her two cousins.  
  
Never had four ordinary people seemed so remote to her. And yet they were all she had now.  
  
The irony of the whole situation was absolutely amazing.  
  
But was she going to stand here forever, or was she going to walk over there and do the right thing...?  
  
And yeah  
How long must you wait for it?  
Yeah.  
How long must you pay for it?  
Yeah.  
How long must you wait for...  
For it?  
  
Morgead stormed out of the gates so fast that the waiting gang had trouble keeping up with him.  
  
"Well?" Raven prompted.  
  
"'Well' what?" he snapped. She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"No need to bite my head off." she said, calmly trying to keep the peace. "What did Jez's uncle say?"  
  
"He doesn't know."  
  
"What d'you mean?" Val boomed. Morgead rounded on him.  
  
"Exactly that! He doesn't know where she is! Alright?"  
  
Without bothering to wait for a reply, Morgead stalked off, only one thought occupying his mind.  
  
Jez...come back to me...  
  
Sing it please,  
Please, please.  
Come back and sing to me,  
To me, me.  
Come on and sing it out,  
Now, now.  
Come on and sing it out,  
To me, me.  
Come back and sing.  
  
It hadn't even taken a minute to move across the road, but every step had seemed a lifetime. Now, as she stepped up towards the door, all she wanted to do was run. It was as though she was tresspassing on sacred ground. She shouldn't be here.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jez raised her hand and rapped sharply on the door with her knuckles.  
  
She swallowed hard as she heard approaching footsteps, and then the door opened. Standing there was a red-haired man with a gentle expression on his medieval-looking face.  
  
"Can I help you?" he asked kindly, and Jez let out a shaky breath as all that she had planned to say was swept away from her mind.  
  
"Um..."  
  
He raised his eyebrows slightly, but said nothing. She gathered her resolve again and opened her mouth.  
  
"My name is Jez Redfern. I...I'm your sisters daughter."  
  
In my place, in my place,  
Were lines that   
I couldn't change.  
  
Her uncle frowned slightly in puzzlement, although not in nasty way. After all, he had never known of any child of his sisters- Jez knew that much. After a slight hesitation, he stepped aside and gestured inwards.  
  
"I think maybe you'd better come in..."  
  
Maybe she would have been happy to receive this invitation once, or sad. Once. But as Jez stepped into the hallway, all she felt was relief.  
  
And hope.  
  
Hope that maybe, one day, with the help of belonging to a family again, she would make up for everything...  
  
I was lost, oh yeah,  
Oh yeah...  
  
  
  
Soooo...what did ya think? I kinda liked it- it was definitely fun to write, cause Jez is one of my favourite Nightworld characters. I hope you liked it, and please review, cause feedback is always a good thing! Thank you!  
  
-Shadowz. 


End file.
